In This Generation, Dating Is About Finding Truth Fast Enough to Save Yourself

I’ve spent over ten years deep in the world of dating & relationships—not as a motivational speaker or podcast therapist, but as someone who has lived it, studied patterns, made embarrassing mistakes, helped friends survive heartbreak, and watched modern dating evolve from “call me when you get home” to “seen 2:14 a.m.”

So when people ask me about healthy relationships, dating red flags, or why modern dating feels like emotional chess, I usually laugh first. Experience teaches you faster than any dating advice blog ever will.

Two nights ago, experience tested me again.

It was around 11:47 p.m. when I got a ride request from a quiet bar in Lekki Phase 1. As usual, I messaged to confirm.

The reply came immediately:
“Please just come. I’ll explain inside.”

That sentence alone is a red flag in dating and relationships, by the way.

When I arrived, a guy jumped into the back seat—no greeting, no eye contact. Hoodie up, phone clenched like evidence.

“Drive,” he said. “Fast. Surulere.”

I pulled out smoothly. Lagos roads don’t reward panic.

Halfway through Admiralty Way, he exhaled sharply like someone who had been holding secrets too long.

“She’s going to leave me tonight,” he said.

I didn’t respond. In this line of work—both driving and life—you let people talk.

“My girlfriend,” he continued. “We met through a dating app three years ago. We’ve been doing long-distance for six months.”

I nodded. Long-distance relationships either build trust or expose cracks.

“She stopped sharing her location last week,” he said. “Tonight, she said she was going to bed early.”

His phone lit up.

“She just posted a story,” he whispered.

I glanced in the rearview mirror. His face had collapsed.

“She’s at a lounge. Same one I’m leaving.”

Ah. Dating red flags rarely knock. They post stories.

“So why Surulere?” I asked.

“My friend lives there. He once caught his girlfriend cheating. He says there’s something called ‘closure’ you need to see with your eyes.”

I sighed internally. I’ve seen this movie. It never wins awards.

When we got there, the apartment was quiet. Too quiet. The kind of silence that feels rehearsed.

He knocked.

A woman opened the door.

Not his girlfriend.

She blinked. “Can I help you?”

Before he could speak, his girlfriend appeared behind her—barefoot, oversized shirt, wine glass in hand.

Time froze.

“Oh,” she said softly. “You came.”

The room smelled like scented candles and bad decisions.

“I didn’t plan this,” she added quickly.
“I know,” he replied. “That’s the problem.”

I stayed in the car, engine running, pretending not to listen while hearing everything.

“I was lonely,” she said. equivalent of “network issues” in relationships.
“You were dishonest,” he replied.
“You didn’t trust me,” she snapped.
“You stopped being transparent,” he said.

Silence.

Then the twist.

He laughed. A dry, tired laugh.

“I actually came to apologize,” he said. “I thought I was insecure. I booked a therapy session about relationship anxiety.”

She dropped the glass.

“I just needed the truth,” he continued calmly. “Now I have it.”

He turned and walked back to the car.

As he sat down, he stared straight ahead.

“Take me home,” he said. “I’m done.”

On the drive back, rain started falling lightly, blurring streetlights into soft gold lines.

“I used to write notes on how to fix this relationship,” he said quietly. “Communication tips. Love languages. Effort.”

I nodded.
“Sometimes,” I replied, “the healthiest relationship choice is knowing when to leave.”

He smiled sadly.
“You sound like someone who’s been here before.”

I have.

Because after ten years in dating & relationships, here’s what real life teaches you:

Love doesn’t fail because of distance.
Relationships don’t end because of arguments.
They break when honesty leaves quietly—long before people do.

When I dropped him off, he paused.

“Thank you,” he said. “You didn’t say much, but… it helped.”

I watched him walk inside alone, phone silent, dignity intact.

As I drove away, I muttered to myself—the same thought I’ve had too many times:

“In this generation, dating isn’t about finding love. It’s about finding truth fast enough to save your future.”

And honestly?
That’s the real relationship goal.