How I Became Chuka by Mistake

It happened last month at a fuel station in Lekki. I was beside my car, waiting patiently, when this matte-black Range Rover rolled in behind me. Tinted windows. Quiet hum. You could smell the arrogance.

Before I could mutter “queue,” the back door flew open and out stepped this tall man in agbada, dripped in luxury. Sunglasses on—even though it was 6:45 PM.

He looked straight at me.

Then came the smile.

“Chuka?! My guy! You still dey this country?!”

I blinked. “Sorry?”

He laughed like we were boys from back in the trenches. “Still shy, I see. It’s me, Wale! Covenant Uni! Crypto Club! Room 308, fam!”

Problem is—I’ve never been near Covenant Uni in my life.

Before I could explain, he whipped out his iPhone and started recording: “Guys, look who I found! My OG! Chuka a.k.a Crypto Oracle!”

People around started whispering. “No way, that’s the guy who turned $5K to ₦800 million on Shiba Inu.” “He dey disguise in Corolla, smart guy.”

I panicked.

He turned the camera to me, “Oracle, give them something—Bitcoin or Ethereum?”

I stuttered: “Uhh… diversify.”

He laughed, dapped me up, handed me his card. “Call me. I got some investors in Dubai. They move heavy. You dey my mind.”

As he drove off, the pump attendant tapped my shoulder. “Oga Crypto, we dey your hand. Just remember your boys.”

I nodded and drove off. A little shaken. A little flattered.

Fast forward two weeks.

I get a call from a strange number: “Hello sir, Mr. Wale gave us your contact—Crypto Oracle, right? We’re from Emerald Finance Group, based in Dubai. We want to move ₦1.2 billion through your portfolio.”

Na so I entered actor mode. I said yes.

Long story short, they sent an NDA, proposal, documents, even flew someone into Lagos to meet me. Said I’d get 5% commission just for facilitating the digital pipeline.

Everything felt too smooth.

Until I got a call.

“Guy, how far? It’s Wale.”

I said, “Yes boss.”

He replied, “Just to confirm, that wallet address you sent… it bounced back. The Dubai boys are worried. You sure say you be Chuka?”

Silence.

I swallowed. “I… I never actually said I was.”

He laughed, but there was no joy in it. “Interesting. So you just collect identity and play Oracle? Smart. But here’s the thing—you’re not the first. Chuka’s real. And he’s my cousin.”

Click.

Three days later, I got a visit from two men in suits. No smiles. No greetings.

Turns out the real Chuka had been under surveillance. And me? I had impersonated a person of interest, taken meetings in his name, and opened a fake wallet.

I wasn’t a crypto oracle.

I was a fall guy in a multi-million naira setup.

And the man in agbada? He didn’t mistake me for anyone.

He chose me.

Betrayal isn’t always loud. Sometimes it pulls up behind you in a Range Rover… with sunglasses and a smile.