Crypto Made Me Broke… Then Taught Me Everything About Money
Three months ago, I did something both bold and borderline stupid.
It was the end of the month. I had just gotten paid.
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Rent was due, bills were stacking, and adulting was adulting. But instead of wiring ₦450k to my landlord, I moved the entire amount into Solana and a small-cap altcoin I’d been researching for weeks.
Why? Because I was “tired of being broke” and wanted to double my money fast.
Biggest red flag? I got the idea from a thread on X (formerly Twitter) that ended with “This is not financial advice.”
Anyway, my plan was simple: flip the investment in 10 days, pull out, pay rent late (but with extra cash), and maybe treat myself to shawarma or even an Airbnb staycation. Gen Z style, baby.
For the first few days, it actually worked. SOL jumped 8%, my altcoin was trending on Reddit, and I was already calculating my profits on Excel. I was even giving friends hot takes like, “you’re missing out if your money isn’t working for you.”
I felt like the Nigerian Warren Buffet. Only…with vibes.
But then came the twist.
On a random Tuesday, while I was at Chicken Republic celebrating my imaginary wealth, the market crashed. Hard.
A random crypto whale dumped millions of dollars’ worth of the altcoin, Solana followed suit, and just like that — I watched my rent turn into a glorified Pure Bliss biscuit.
In 45 minutes, my ₦450k became ₦189k.
I legit stared at my Binance screen like someone who saw JAMB results they weren’t expecting.
My palms were sweaty. I opened and closed the app five times, hoping the numbers would magically change. But no genie came. The market had spoken.
That night, I couldn’t sleep. I started thinking: What if I get kicked out? What if my landlord finds out I’ve been moonwalking with his money in digital Ponzi schemes?
I considered selling my gadgets. I even texted an ex who once said, “Let me know if you ever need anything.”
Worst part? I didn’t even make content from the whole drama. No vlog. No podcast episode. Nothing. Just raw financial pain.
The recovery?
Well, I got lucky. A freelance gig I’d pitched a month before came through with 300k. I sold my old iPhone for 120k. And somehow, I managed to piece together my rent — three days late — with only minor embarrassment.
But the lesson stuck.
Now, I’ve divided my finances into four categories:
- Essentials – Rent, food, transport.
- Emergency fund – No touching.
- Long-term investments – Index funds, stablecoins, and dividend stocks.
- Casino corner – A tiny wallet for all my degen moves.
Because yes, I still invest in altcoins. But only with money I’m emotionally okay to lose — like spare change or my gym subscription (which I haven’t used in six months anyway).
So yeah, if you’re reading this and considering flipping your school fees or rent in hopes of becoming a millionaire by weekend… don’t.
Or at least, record the chaos and go viral with it — so you’ll gain something.
Because, omo, crypto doesn’t love you like that.
