How I Accidentally Made $12,000 on Gold—Thanks to a Heartbreak
So, I started investing in gold, stocks, and ETFs because of heartbreak. No lies.
After I got ghosted by someone I was almost sure was my soulmate (don’t judge), I needed something to pour my energy into. My therapist said, “Channel your pain into productivity.” So, I opened a brokerage account.
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First thing I bought? A fractional share of Tesla. Why? Because someone tweeted “Elon makes money in his sleep.” I wanted that. Next, I bought a gold ETF — it looked “safe,” and I liked the shiny stability.
Then I threw in some Nigerian stocks from an agriculture company that my cousin hyped at Christmas, promising “100% returns in 6 months.”
I felt like a baby Warren Buffett.
Fast forward two months, I was checking my portfolio more than I checked Instagram. Tesla went up. The gold ETF was steady. The agri-stock? Bro, it was dancing like Zanku. I felt invincible. I even tweeted “My money is making money. What’s yours doing?”
But here’s the twist.
One night, around 2:37 AM, I got a text from the ghost — “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you.” I should’ve blocked it. Instead, I replied. We talked. Reconnected. She said she wanted to visit. I booked a short trip to Abuja to meet her again. Even bought her a dainty necklace “just because.”
To fund the trip and impress her, I sold my Tesla stock (at a profit!) and my ETF (still steady). I left the agri-stock because, in my mind, “That one’s going to the moon.”
Abuja was amazing… until she said, “I don’t think we should force this.” That was day two. She had already collected the necklace and my Uber voucher.
I came back home heartbroken… again.
Out of spite, I decided to at least check my stocks. Guess what? The agri-stock had dropped 87%. Turns out, the company’s land got seized by the government. Headlines were flying. Twitter was roasting.
In two months, I had turned ₦200K into ₦1.2M… and back to ₦180K.
The only thing that stayed stable? That gold ETF I abandoned for vibes and emotional spending.
Lesson learned: gold never ghosted me.
